The rest of my life

I finally made it. I finally graduated. Every day since I graduated I've spent time sending out resumes. I'm ready to chase my dreams.  I even had an interview and got invited for a second interview.

So yes, I'm nervous, scared and terrified, but I'm also exhilarated. I'm ready for my life to start. The real life that I've been promising myself will be mine. I've worked hard to get here, and I know I'll keep working hard to make it.

My next interview is a week away. I have a lot of thinking to do. I know a lot of details about the job. I know that it pays less than my current "real job." I know that it's three hours away from where I live now. That means a lot of changes. It means my sophomore and junior would have to change schools.   I also know that it means I'd actually get to write, and that there's room for growth.

People that know me know how much my family means to me. They know that my friends hold a big part in my life. I'm trying to make a choice before I get to the spot where I'm offered this job and have to make a decision. I'm basing this on the fact that I was invited down to "meet the staff, and get shown around a little."

"What means more to you, your family or your dreams?" A friend asked me when I told them.

Ouch, I always knew it would come down to that. Am I selfish for wanting to build a life that makes me happy? If I want to make it to the top, I have to climb from the bottom.

The contradictory advice from my family doesn't help either. My uncle, the one I always take career advice from says "Without the first job, you can't move up. Besides, that's a nice little town. " My aunt who has my heart says "You'll be so far away. What if I need you."

I wanted to ask, when have I never not needed you,  See, now I know that if I need a day of shopping or someone to calm my nerves, or even just a drink, I can call one of several people and have a day adventure.  This new thing, would be the unknown. It's scary, but haven't I already conquered several fears?

The questions that root in my mind are things like, "Will my boys resent me, or will they adapt easily? How much family stuff am I going to miss out on by being so far away? What if I don't make friends as easily as I have here? What if I get there and love it? What if taking this job will give me experience and time to pursue my Masters?"

Plus, I'm 35, what if this is my last chance to prove I can do this?

I took the writing challenge for the month of November. I'm supposed to pump out
10,000 words a day. I did that because I knew I had graduated, and thought maybe now I could focus on that novel I've always wanted to write. Instead this is distracting me.

By the time I post next, I'll have made a choice. I'll have made a decision. I'll have decided what's more important, chasing my dreams, or making everyone around me happy except me.